<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>dearest brother by Cheeseliquor</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26087320">dearest brother</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cheeseliquor/pseuds/Cheeseliquor'>Cheeseliquor</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>IDOLiSH7 (Video Game)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>?? i guess?, Angst, Anorexia, Depression, Eating Disorders, Incest, M/M, Starvation, Suicidal Thoughts, or slaps the shit out of tenn when he discovers, riku comforts (?), tenn has problems, trigger warning</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-08-24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-08-26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 03:48:27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,453</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26087320</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cheeseliquor/pseuds/Cheeseliquor</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>He went to the microwave. Beep. Click. Whir.</p><p>The smell of lasagna filled the kitchen. It was dizzying, the smell, how much he wanted to gorge on the entire aluminium package, and then some. </p><p>He switched on the ventilation. </p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Kujou Ten/Nanase Riku</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>27</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"Tenn, you look thinner lately." </p><p>"Is that so? I've always been thin, though."</p><p>Tenn said this with a straight face, though Gaku could tell he was probably laughing inside. Tenn had a cynical way of doing things, after all.</p><p>"Well, pack up a bit, or you're going to worry Riku when you guys meet. You wouldn't believe the mountain of messages he sends me sometimes."</p><p>"Eh?"</p><p>He and Gaku were sitting opposite of each other in the dressing room, where stylists were doing their hair. Gaku waved a hand at his stylist and stretched over to pass his phone to Tenn. </p><p>Tenn scrolled up. Gaku and Riku didn't message each other often, but when they did the conversations were long and winded, with mostly Riku talking. Questions about Tenn, concerns about Tenn, asking for advice about why Tenn sometimes didn't reply to Riku's messages for weeks at a time. Gaku's responses were typically elusive. There was little he could do for the young boy besides listen to him, after all. </p><p>And whose fault was that?</p><p>Tenn returned Gaku's phone.</p><p>"I see."</p><p>"So treat him well this Friday, you understand? The boy gets a ton of work these days, but still has the energy to text me till midnight..."</p><p>Gaku yawned to prove his point.</p>
<hr/><p>When Tenn got back to his apartment that day, he showered and went to the kitchen.</p><p>For a few minutes he stared blankly out the window, at the cityscape beneath his feet- almost like he was lost, like he didn't know what a kitchen was for.</p><p>His stomach made a noise. </p><p>He strode towards the fridge. Opened it. A blast of cool air greeted him, then he saw three meals lined up there, prepared and frozen each morning by a professional chef of Yaotome Corp.</p><p>He took one of the meals- the half-eaten one. He'd had some food that morning. </p><p>He went to the microwave. Beep. Click. Whir.</p><p>The smell of lasagna filled the kitchen. It was dizzying, the smell, how much he wanted to gorge on the entire aluminium package, and then some. </p><p>He switched on the ventilation. </p><p>At the isle, it was him and the lasagna. The entire apartment was silent- he usually switched on the TV after drying his hair, just for some background noise, but earlier his body had gravitated towards the kitchen with an eerie determination.</p><p><em>You're disgusting,</em> Tenn thought. <em>You fat pig. Can't you feel the way your stomach is pressing against your waistband? Your arms are bigger today than yesterday. You've already eaten this morning, you pig. I'm going to kill you if you eat again. You're filthy. You should just die. You should-</em></p><p>By the time he came to, the lasagna was back in the fridge, and there was a glass of ginger tea in his hand. He hadn't even heated up the water- the bits of ginger bobbed weightlessly in his lukewarm mug. He sipped, and tasted nothing.</p><p>He ought to microwave it. Instead he carried the mug to his bedroom and spread a blanket over his body, trying to forget its existence.</p><p>Slowly, the spice of his tea was coming through. He chewed on a bit of ginger, let it warm his shivering form.</p><p>He'd resisted it- that temptation, so strong and compelling he sometimes felt like it was of the devil. But it would be hard to sleep the way he was then; the worse had yet to come. He closed his eyes and prayed he was weary enough to win against the sour ache in his stomach. </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"I don't think I can make it this Friday."</p><p>Silence.</p><p>"I'm sorry, Riku."</p><p>"Because of what? <em>Work?</em>"</p><p>The acidic way he pronounced it made Tenn's eyebrows twitch. It was so unlike Riku to use his voice in any way other than that of a holy angel's- to speak anything that didn't captivate one's soul, or if to settle a bitter dispute, with a tone so empathetic that the whole room forgot why it was tense in the first place. </p><p>Tenn could lie. He could say it was work, which he'd say to anyone else, for any other situation. Though he always pushed Riku away, he knew that the deepest part of himself would never survive a complete fracture of their relationship. If Riku were to stop clinging to him, stop wanting him-</p><p>"Not work," Tenn murmured.</p><p>"Okay." He paused. "Then can you please tell me why, Tenn-nii?"</p><p>Tenn looked up at the mirror in his bedroom. Faint dawn light was streaming through the curtains, and they revealed the grotesque pudges by the sides of his arms, the giant valley of his stomach, like an avalanche waiting to happen. A squelching noise from his gut. He saw, for a flash, the ransacked packages outside, and his own arms trembling as he rammed food in his mouth, and the clock that had ticked at 3 a.m. It had happened earlier that night, but it seemed to him that it happened every night. </p><p>
  <em>Because I'm disgusting. I'd rather die than have you look at me. I'd rather kill myself.</em>
</p><p>"Because..."</p><p>
  <em>I'm so tired, I don't want to work today, I can't, I can't force myself anymore-</em>
</p><p>"Tenn-nii? Are you okay?"</p><p>"Ah," Tenn realized that his palm was on the glass. His thumbprints lingered for a while, then disappeared, like an illusion. "I'm sorry, Riku. I didn't mean to worry you."</p><p>"...eh, did you just say that? Now I'm really worried..."</p><p>Tenn managed a small laugh. "I'll- be there, on Friday."</p><p>"Really?"</p><p>Tenn could hear Riku's smile through the phone.</p><p>"Yes."</p><p>He would be there because he always was. He would work because he always did. He would live this way even as he had to grit his teeth every time he passed by a reflective surface, even as all his thoughts in the daytime were about death.</p><hr/><p>So Friday rolled around. They were supposed to meet at a local cafe a little ways off from the main road.</p><p>Both of them were dressed in hats, sunglasses and masks, so as to not attract attention. Riku had already arrived ten minutes before their set time and was waiting inside the restaurant, owing to bad weather.</p><p>Tenn's taxi pulled up a few minutes later. For a while, Tenn put his hand on the door handle and stared out the window, watching droplets of rain streak through the cafe and the blurry impression of Riku on the other side. </p><p>The weather saved him from a scenario that had been playing constantly in his mind- of him and Riku standing by the storefront, and Riku pointing out with total nonchalance that Tenn got either fatter or thinner- both comments that would've destroyed him.</p><p>Presently, he still had a chance to pull out. To pretend he got into a car accident or something. <em>Anything.</em></p><p>His phone vibrated. Riku was texting him, and through the rain, Tenn could see the concern over his face. </p><p>"Kujou-san?" the taxi driver said.</p><p>Tenn got out. His head spun as he stood, and spots of black obscured his vision. Almost in a daydream, he stumbled through the door, and found himself somehow greeting and sitting in front of Riku. Had the bells of the storefront rung when he pushed his way in? He wondered why that mattered so much to him. </p><p>"Tenn-nii! I'm so glad you came. For a while there, I thought you'd, um..."</p><p>"I'm here."</p><p>Tenn managed a smile. Riku returned his a dozen fold bigger and brighter. </p><p>"Let's order then, shall we?"</p><p>
  <em>Shit.</em>
</p><p>All Tenn could think of was his binge last night and how he could still feel all that food squirming around in his stomach. But he was <em>hungry, </em>and the smell of in-house coffee was so strong he could hardly make sense of the menu. <em>Spaghetti...potato...cheese fries...</em></p><p>"Tenn-nii?"</p><p>When Tenn looked up, he saw Riku's hand on his, and Riku's eyes full of the worry Tenn despised so much.</p><p>
  <em>Don't feel that way when you look at me. Don't even look at me.</em>
</p><p>Riku's fingers were pressing against Tenn's, feeling the sharp, delicate bones, and the little flesh in between. But Tenn felt mounds, and again he was hyper aware of how his arm looked against the table, how they seemed to spill around the sides.</p><p>"Remove your hand." Tenn had meant it as a command, but his voice was broken, and it came out as a trembling whisper. </p><p>Riku released him. He called the waiter over and asked for two bottles of water, for takeaway. Then, facing Tenn,</p><p>"There's...a park a few miles away from here...it's raining pretty bad but if you don't mind, once it subsides, let's take a walk?"</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>a fic i will update when i am hungry hahaha<br/>Changed the title cuz the ref was too obscure</p></blockquote></div></div>
</body>
</html>